IB

So I was talking to Danny about IB. 

And I asked why not a lot of guys do IB. 

His response? 

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:02 PM): Because guys aren't as pressured to being smart

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:03 PM): as girls are

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:08 PM): Girls are suppose to be naturally smart

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:11 PM): for a guy to be smart

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:18 PM): he either is a hard worker or a smartie.

xDannasaur 33 (4:15:26 PM): girls ar ejust suppose to be smart.

When I really think about it, it's kinda true. Girls ARE expected to do better. Why? Idk. That's so weird. 

Science Bowl Competition.

Mm, science bowl competition was today.

I don't know what to say. I was so nervous the first round. Couldn't buzz fast enough. Couldn't think straight. Ugh. Mission San Jose pwned us. Beat us by over 100. =| Next team we played, Milpitas. They beat us by like; 30? Maybe more. Don't really remember. But then we beat Foothill and Chinese Christian! (: So, 2 wins, 2 losses. Not enough to boost us up into the round robin, but still pretty decent. 3rd place out of 5 teams? Eh. I felt so proud of myself. I answered a good deal of math questions and helped out on bonuses. (= I felt like a pretty good captain. :D Even though we lost, it was a lot of fun. Prizes are pretty awesome, too. (: Group photos FTW! Ahaha. Next year, we're gonna own. Srsly. (: But for now, this is still pretty good. We beat two teams! :] I'm pretty proud of myself. Pretty darn proud. Pretty darn proud of our whole team, teams 1, 2, and 3. 

Next year, we shall OWN. Maybe we won't be as good as Mission, but we'll still be pretty awesome. (: 

(:

- hugs - "Because you said you needed one the other day." (:

That totally made my day. <3

I got hit by the same normal flying hockey puck [LOL] twice today. Owww. But it's alright. I'm all better now. In-class essay in WHAP. - fail - I did all my homework though! Science test in bio! I think I did alright. Got out of Spanish w/ a pass from Chris. Turns out newspapers didn't come 'til 5th anyway. lol. Math; learned to graph really kewl graphs on calculators. Lunch, hung out with Cyrus and Harrison at first. Stole Harrison's fries. Bought oreos from Rosa and shared with Harrison and Cyrus. Tri-M meeting! Initiation is now on February 25th! Baaaand! Band is just awesome as is. English; discussed LOF chapter 2 + a lot of other random things. Got distracted by the newspaper. After school; Baaaaaaaaand room! He walked me to Ms. Handly's room so I could turn in science bowl forms and then walked with me to Ms. Mani's class for AP practice. Turns out I had to go to the back room and do multiple choice problems w/ BC kids though. Couldn't hang out with him. Ah wells. Afterwards, we walked out to the drop off together and talked about a lot of random things. He keeps calling me a nerd 'cause I check the time on my calculator. Aha, he's awesome. And right before he left, he whacked me on the head with a rolled up newspaper and said bye. Yeah. he's pretty freakin' awesome. <3

Self Esteem.

Science bowl competition is in two days, and frankly, I'm not studying at all. I'm not worried. If anything, I'm really apathetic. It's as if I'm not gonna study at all. It's as if I don't care. It's as if I'm just gonna go there and answer whatever I know. Yeah, I won't be much help to my teammates, but really. I wouldn't be much help anyway. I don't know why, but getting demoted just really, I don't know, it just really hurts me. I was so proud of being a sophomore on first team, even if I was just alternate. Whatever. I'm not good enough. Just gotta deal with it, right? 

I really need some one-on-one time with him. Just to chill and hang out and talk. Just as friends, of course. I don't think we'll be anything more than friends. But you never know, right? Ha, I probably shouldn't keep my hopes up. They'll be shot down again. I'm glad I still have him as a friend, though. 

Lately, my self esteem level has dropped quite a lot. And since it was never really that high to begin with, this cannot be a good sign. 

Hm...

I felt so tired today. Idk why... Took a nice little nap in Spanish. Earthquake drill in math. "Eww! There's gum under here! I CAN'T FIT UNDER THIS DESK!" Lawl. "Hey, where'd Ms. Mani go? o-o;" Yeaaaaaah. We lost our math teacher after we evacuated. Haha, freakin' Jason was playing on his DS. Mm. I said I was gonna nap @ lunch, but I didn't. Did Spanish homework instead. Went over to Mr. D's to freeload off of Ivy, but she finished her food, so I freeloaded off of Kristy instead. Her pasta was yummy. (: Baaaaand! Played through all the songs w/ random comments in between. Gotta love band. Lawl, my band jacket is HUUUUUUGE on me. Should've gotten a small. D: OH. We watched videos in English. Maaaaaaaaaan, Megan's little brother is adorable. <3 And laaaaaaaaaaawl. We're horrible actors / actresses. [x I failed at science bowl today, but whatever. (: Today was pretty alright. (=

Science Bowl.

Well, it's official. I'm no longer a part of first team science bowl. I'm second team captain now. Ha. That's what I get for taking things for granted. I knew I wasn't good enough to begin with. Why does it hurt now? Haha, I was so confident. I guess this is what happens when Angela is confident. lol, Fail. But seriously. Why does it hurt? It's as if this is a sign, a sign to stop believing in myself. I suddenly feel so useless. What hurts is, I was put in first team and then moved down. Man. Major blast to the ego. Whatever. I need a hug. Really badly right now. I can't believe I'm crying over something like this. Wow. I've learned something. Hard work and dedication don't always pay off in the end. You need skill as well. Skill, knowledge, hard work, dedication, persistance, AND patience. THAT's how you reach success. And I'm not there yet. Whatever. I give up. I'll never be good enough for science bowl. 

Hemakesmesmile. (:

I somehow managed to forget my math homework at home today. & I did all of it, too! I was going into depression at brunch, lol. And then Harrison made it worse by being like; Oh, Angela's always like that when it comes to math. & all that crud. But then he finally went away and he walked over to me and walked with me and calmed me down. Haha, and then I handed him the letter I wrote to him and he smiled at me and gave me a big hug. Man, it was such a perfect moment. <3

Aha, and then he walked me to Spanish for the 3rd(?) time. And I was like; Aren't you gonna be late for history? It's across campus! And he said; I don't care. Aha. He makes me smile + I looooove his hugs. [x

It's not like me to be mushy gushy, but I'm falling pretty hard for him. 

"So, did you read the note? (:"

"Yeah. Thanks. Is it all really true?"

"Yes sir. Every word of it."

- looks down @ all the stuff he's carrying - 

"I'd do something, but I'm carrying too much junk."
"Aha, it's okay. But you should go to TOK now. Bye!"

"Bye Angela."

Siiiiiiigh. I can't get him out of my mind. And even if nothing happens between us romantically, I want us to remain good, good friends. I don't know what I'd do if he weren't a part of my life. He's too important to me. 

And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that every day I spend with you is the new best day of my life. -- Must Have Done Something Right by Relient K

Okay, self. Stop being so girly. [x

But yeah. I really like him. & now he knows.

If only I knew exactly how he felt about me. 

WEHTEWHTLHLTHWKGHXIJGKGS.

GEWHTIEWHTEWKL6TWHGKLWHTTHKEWTLT.

SO I WAS SO PREPARED FOR THE SAT QUESTION OF THE DAY & GUESS WHAT?!

MY INTERNET DECIDED TO DIE RIGHT AT 9 PM AND WORK AT 9:02. 

WTBEWTLHJEWKLTEWHTWHT. 

I could've been one of the first 10 people or so, but nooooooo. =|

- hates life. - 

IT WAS AN EASY PROBLEM TOO. ;__;

Sigh. One day. One day, I'll be one of the first ten people. I can't wait for that day to come. =/

I Love These Song Lyrics. (:

"I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it. I don't believe it makes me real." 

- Pieces by Sum 41

"As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And when our lives change from whatever, we will still be friends forever."

- Graduation (Friends Forever) by Vitamin C

"Everything is gonna be alright. Be strong, believe."

- Believe by Yellowcard

"I'm back, back in town, but everything has changed. I feel, feel let down, the faces stay the same. ... When we were only kids and we were best of friends, And we hoped for the best and let go of the rest."

- Shadows and Regrets by Yellowcard

"I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you."

- The Reason by Hoobastank

"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter."

- In the End by Linkin Park

"I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong."

- Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

"Where'd ya go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone. ... You never know what you've got 'til it's gone."

- Where'd Ya Go by Fort Minor

"There's only 1 thing 2 do, 3 words 4 you, I love you."

- 1, 2, 3, 4 by Plain White T's

"Just know after the rain there is a rainbow."

- My Soldier (Remix) by AJ Rafael

"We don't need to go that far. Let's hold on to who we are. If it's real we'll make it through. 'Cause all I need is you."

- All I Need is You by The Click Five

"And sometimes, I need someone to say: 'You'll be alright, what's on your mind?'"

- Back Home by Yellowcard

"And I've got some friends, some that I hardly know, but we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world."

- Swing Life Away by Rise Against

Desparate Housewives + Life.

I was flipping through TV shows last night @ 10, 'cause I had nothing better to do & I came across Desparate Housewives & decided to watch an episode.

Holy crud, it was good. 

The handyman of Wisteria Lane died from a heart attack while fixing someone's roof, the day he was going to retire & go to Hawaii. & when the women are discussing his funeral, they each have flashbacks about how he helped them in their lives.

It showed how small actions can make a huge impact in one's life. It showed how people could be there one day and gone the next. It showed how one thing leads to another and another & so on. It showed how one person could make a difference in so many people's lives without even realizing it. It showed how you never really know what you have until it's too late. 

Yeah. It really brought meaning to the preceding quotes. & it made me realize how big an impact my friends & family make on my life each day. Every little "Thank you", every little smile & wave, it all adds up. Every little thing they do impacts me in some way or another, making me the person I am today. & for that, I'd like to thank everyone. Because honestly & truly, anyone that has step foot into my life has made an impact, whether big or small. 

My life's like a play & each person that has smiled at me has a role in that play, whether it be the leading role or a minor character. Every prop makes a difference in the overall play. Every single character is necessary for the play to go on. And well, if one part's missing, the play can't go on. Without all the people in my life, my life can't go on. Until I meet new people to fill in those roles, of course.

So many people have made such an impact to my life and I never thank them for it. They put up with me, and no matter how annoying I am, they're still there for me. Thank you, everyone. Although none of you will ever read this, I thank you. (: 

Todaaaaaay.

Hey Blogger. 

Today was a rather interesting day. Uhler lectured us about cheating & copying homework & how we never learn anything 'cause we never read the book. Idk. It just sorta hurt, lol. But it's alright.

Eh, nothing majorly special in bio, Spanish, or math. Band was pretty interesting, though. We had a playing test & he was testing me, Sandra, & Yadira at the same time. & like, we got to the second measure and Sandra & Yadira sorta just stopped & I kept playing & I was like; Holy crud. o___o

But I played it correctly! lol, Ireneo was like; Wow, good job, Angela. And yeah, I felt pretty proud.

OH & no one heard the bell rang so we got let out @ like; 2:01, giving us like 1 minute to get to our next class. LOL. Cyrus & I were sprinting. & I was on time! BUAHAHA! & Ivy had a piece of paper for vocab all ready for me, too. [Thanks, Ivy!]

Oh yeah! & we renamed Moo-Moo John! His new name is Moo-Moo Lobot John. & we had an official certificate of name changing. lawl, Crab Inc. Changing the names of animals everywhere. (: 

HAHA, yeah, 'cause Nancy drew a crab on the certificate. [x

But yeah. It was an alright day. No one showed up for science bowl 'cept Freshman, but yeah. 

Pretty scared / excited for the competition on Saturday. Still need to tell my parents. They're gonna be pissed when I tell them I have to miss another day of school. 

Ah wells. Life goes on. (:

The True Me.

My sister ranted to me today about life.
And well, let's just say it wasn't pleasant. Apparently, I'm the most horrible person in the world to her. I don't help her at all. I haven't done a single nice thing to her since the day I was born. To her, I'm a horrible person. I'm lazy, I'm mean, and I don't do anything nice. I just sit around and make fun of her and call her names.
Ha, I'm getting to a point where I actually believe all that. I'm a stupid, mean, lazy, horrible sister. I don't help my sisters at all. I don't play with them, I don't help them on homework, I don't talk to them half the time. I yell at them for walking into my room.
Shiz, I'm pretty effing mean. And I really don't know how to fix it.
My mom used to always say, "You're so nice to your friends, but you're so mean to your sisters."
Well, I've reached a point where I truly believe it. Home is where I release all the stress and anger I have from school and other such places.
And sometimes, like now, I really feel bad about how poorly I treat my sisters, but I really don't know how to make up for it anymore. And well, they hate me already. What can I really do?
Ha, those of you that read this, I hope you don't hate me for this, but this is the side I don't show.
Love it or hate it, that's me.

Today.

Today was pretty cool. (:
District Jazz Festival instead of Chinese school? FREAKIN' AWESOME! Gotta see Martin, Jenny, Andrea, Adriana, Amy, Calvin, + a lot of other OG kids. Had nice conversations with them, but it was obvious that it wasn't the same as before. I miss how close we all used to be. Sigh, I guess drifting away from friends is a part of life. =|
On the bright side, I had a really nice two-hour nap today. + I finished Vocab homework. Just got math + binder organizing for tomorrow. That'll be fun. x-x;
I really need a nice long three-hour convo with someone or a nice hour to spend with someone face-to-face. That'd be pretty awesome.
Mm, not much to really say. Later.

All I Need is You.

"We don't need to go that far. Let's hold on to who we are.
If it's real we'll make it through, 'Cause all I need is you.
We don't need the world right now. We've got time to work it out.
Hold on tight, I'll hold on too, 'Cause all I need is you.
All I need is you; All I need is ... you."

-- All I Need Is You by The Click 5

Aha, this is so true. (=
Sigh, I constantly have this huge urge to throw my arms around him and sing this to him. & I know it sounds really stupid, but I kinda wish he'd ask me to be his girlfriend. Yeah, I'm falling pretty hard for him. If only I could tell him how I felt without freaking out. =|
_____ _____, all I need is you. <3

Scattered Thoughts.

Well, I did the unthinkable today. I, Angela Lam, turned in my IB Diploma Candidacy form. And I owe it all to the motivational words of Jonathan Ho. 

HAHA, during math today, we watched this video called Kentucky Math or something like that & it was about proving that 14 times 5 equals 25. LAWL. Freakin' awesome! & the quadratic formula song was heeeeeeeecka catchy. (: 

OH & San Jose Taiko came over to play for us @ lunch today. Holy crud, they were freakin' amazing. Mr. E. let us go & get their autographs! =D

English was really mellow. 170 on my oral book analysis! Whoot! 

"Hey self? Give _____ a big hug later today, k? & tell him how much you really appreciate him. Sigh. I really like him, Notebook. A lot more than I thought possible. I Really Like _____ _____. "

Yeah. That's what I wrote on the side of my math notes. 

I think I'm starting to fall for him way too much. =/

Blogger, I've lost touch with so many people. My best friends ... I never talk to them anymore. The only person I still talk to regularly is Emily.  And well, yeah. It's kinda sad. It really makes me think that friends truly don't last forever. 

But yeah. I hope I don't lose my friends. I don't know what I'd do without friends. =|

IB.

I was so scared during band today. 

I thought Stanley Yelnats was broken. But Mr. E. reassured me that it was just a loose screw, so he handed me a screwdriver & I fixed it. PHEW. Thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do if Stanley Yelnats was hurt. ;__; 

But on the other hand, you know what killed my day?

I was in the music hall, casually talking to people & Jonathan walks in & is like; Angela. We need to talk. I've been hearing rumors that you're not going for the diploma. 

And suddenly, Sandra and Cyrus and Harrison are like; OMG. YOU HAVE TO JOIN IB. YOU'RE IB MATERIAL! IF ANYONE CAN DO IT, IT'S YOU! 

And I just felt like screaming; LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME DECIDE ON MY OWN! IT'S MY CHOICE! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DECIDE FOR ME?

But I didn't have the guts to. All I could do was walk away. 

"If you don't join IB, I'll never look at you the same way again."

Ouch. Just ... ouch. 

Mr. Barack Hussein Obama.

Goodbye Bush, Hello Obama!

Let us welcome the 44th President of the United States, Mr. Barack Hussein Obama. (:

Today was dedicated to Obama for sure. Watched the inauguration in WHAP, discussed it in biology. It was a good speech & everyone truly is so happy that Bush is gone. I'm kinda scared now that Obama's taking over, though. What if something happens to him? People are gonna kill me for saying this, but I'm scared that well ... he might get ... assassinated. But yeah ... He has a lot of weight on his shoulders going into his presidency. I hope he can handle all that pressure. All I know is, he'll be better than Bush, right? I just hope people don't hate him, because after all, we ALL need to be part of these challenges. We're all in this together. Together, we'll stand up to these challenges and overcome those obstacles. But we all gotta work together in order for this to work. Hand in hand, we'll make a difference, not only in the United States, but in the world.

So true, so true.

[21:10] r YoU SrS: its not aobut the grade
[21:10] r YoU SrS: its asbout the learning
[21:10] r YoU SrS: a grade doesnt mean anything
[21:10] r YoU SrS: in life
[21:33] r YoU SrS: colleges are ntohing in life
[21:33] r YoU SrS: all ud o is lear nmore
[21:33] r YoU SrS: u gotta learn more about life
[21:33] r YoU SrS: then educational shyt

Myonlyone.

us: can i ask you something?
ro: Sure.
us: where do we stand right now?
us: if you know what i mean?
ro: I know what you mean
ro: and honestly, I have no idea.
ro: Y'know how we were gonna ... uhh ... go out on Friday?
ro: I'm guessing we both remembered
us: forget it
us: i couldnt think of anyway to do it
ro: Oh ...
ro: You could've just asked me about it.
us: yeah i couldve
us: i couldnt though
us: just because
us: does that make any sense?
ro: yeah .
ro: I really don't know how you feel, but I know exactly how I feel.
us: i wass just nervous about the whole thing i guess
ro: oh ...
ro: It's alright.
ro: You just keep confusing me, haha.
ro: I don't know how you feel
ro: & well, it's confusing me ... a lot .
us: do you really want to know?
ro: Yes, I really do.
us: okay
us: just give me a second to gether my thoughts
ro: okay.
us: ...
us: you know what i will say dont you?
ro: I don't know what you will say, honestly.
ro: If I did, why would I ask?
us: yeah i like you too
us: i think its just that both of us are new at this
ro: Yeah
ro: So what should we do about it? lol.
us: i dont know actually
ro: Should we just leave things the way they are?
ro: I really don't know.
us: yeah maybe we should just leave things where they are
ro: Mmkay then.
ro: Okay, this is gonna sound reaaaaaaaaaaaally weird, but, do you think anything will ever happen?
us: i dont know
us: im kinda hoping it will

ro: Same.
us: and at the same time i kinda fear it
ro: lol, same.
ro: It makes me wonder if we should give it a shot or leave things the way they are.
ro: because I know I really can't stand losing you as a person.
us: me neither
ro: & well, I know you already know, but I really do like you. Quite a lot, actually. A lot more than I'm willing to admit. But yeah. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there. >.> ;
us: wow
us: i just realized how emotionally stupid i am
ro: What do you mean by that?
ro: If you thought i didn't like you back, then yeah, you're pretty emotionally stupid. haha
us: i would never be able to say anything like that
us: it just means a lot to me
us: thanks
ro: You're welcome.
ro: So umm. what are we gonna do? lol.
us: i still have no idea
ro: Haha
ro: Me either, actually.
us: we are too new at this
ro: Yeah
ro: Should we just give it some time?
us: yeah sure
ro: Mmkay.
us: and hopefully nothing awkward will happen
ro: yeah haha.
ro: I'm kinda hoping that one day, when we're ready, something will happen.
us: you know what?
ro: What?
us: why not do anything?
ro: What do you mean, haha?
us: we get to live one short life
us: why not make the most of it?
ro: True.
ro: So, let's give it a shot? (:
us: yeah
ro: I'm still confused by what this means. lol
us: me too
us: i dont care
ro: I'm kinda really confused, still. LOL.
us: me too
ro: So what does this make us?
us: together i suppose?
ro: lol
ro: well, technically it's not official until you ask (:
us: what exactly am i asking?
ro: I don't know, actually.
ro: Have we just mutually decided that we're together now ? haha
us: hahhahahahahahahahha
us: i dont know

What else is there to say? <3 

I'm still confused, but I know that I'll never lose him & that's all that matters. (: 

Because, after all, He is my only one. (:

Weeeeeeeeeeeird.

DUDE, SO SO, I HAD LIKE; 5 DREAMS YESTERDAY NIGHT. O___O
Or this morning ... Idk. Slept at 12:30 ish so yeah. [x
BUT ANYWAY.
Dream #1: I forgot. o-o;
[Edit @ 9:45 PM!]
I remember it now!
So, I was on schoolloop & I got a C in bio & I was like; wtfuuuuuuudge?!
And I saw Louie & Victoria & was like; LOUIE! VICTORIA! DID YOU GUYS GET Cs IN BIO TOO!?
And they're like; YEAH. IT'S 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T ADD IN THIS ONE SCORE D:
So we showed it to him & got our A's. (:
Dream #2: I was in the audience of this game show thing. It was like; a mix between jeopardy & wheel of fortune ...
There were like; 4 contestants.
And the host asked; "Where did fish first appear: in the tropical waters or the North Atlantic waters?"
And this one girl was like; ... Uh ... Tropical ... Atlantic waters?
And then the host was like; OH! I'M SORRY, THAT'S INCORRECT! - turns to other girl - You get to play in the bonus round! (:
And the girl's like; whoooo!
And it was like a wheel of fortune puzzle ...
And and, I remember one of the words was Utilitarian ... I don't even know what that means ...
But yeah, really random. xD
Dream #3: My family, my cousins Eric & Andy & their mom, and my cousins Don & Daniel and their parents were over at some hotel somewhere ... And then Don, Daniel, Eric, & Andy were like; We're gonna go head outside and look around the forest. We'll be back.
And so, it's getting dark & it's like; 8, so I call Don; DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS? D:
And there's this static & he's like; Don't worry about it. Freakin' sophomores. x-x;
And then I get a text message from Eric & it's like; train my person on my ds until hes in 0 place.
& I'm like; ... - confused - - starts playing on DS -
Mom comes in; Where's everyone?
Me; They're outside walking around.
Mom: When are they coming home?
Me; Idk.
- Eric comes back -
Me: DUDE, WHERE IS EVERYONE?! D:
Him: I don't know. They went a diff. way. Did you train me yet?!
And then I don't remember how the dream ended.
And I also don't remember the other dreams.
But yeaaaaaaaaaah. That was really weird. o-o;

Lackofmotivation.

I'm starting to become addicted to freerice.com.
I donated 20k grains of rice today, whoo! (:
Dude, lately, I feel like I'm drifting farther and farther away from people.
I remember back when I used to be constantly chatting on AIM.
& nowadays, I hardly ever get any IMs & it's so hard to keep up an actual convo. =/
What's gotten into meeeeeeeeeeee?! D:
I feel like I'm becoming a bad friend.
Sigh.
I really wish I would know what to do with my life.
If I have a focus, life would be so much simpler, right?
I need something to really motivate me.
I think that's what I'm lacking: motivation.
And a dream.
I really don't know what I want & it really is starting to bug me. =|

Sciencebowl.

Hello,

Sorry again for the lateness of this evaluation. Here's my feedback based on what I've observed so far.

Angela: You're on the first time because you've been more impressive and stood out more than any of the people on the second and third teams. If nothing else, you can be a solid math person and the "calculator" on some bonus questions for chemistry and physics, and that's valuable. Try to work on speed for math toss-up questions and just in general on calculations. For some basic practice, I recommend going over the Math questions on www.freerice.com and maybe installing the "Who Has The Biggest Brain?" application on Facebook. In the future, we need you to study more things that are purely science-related, but being solid in this role is very good in my book.

If you have any feedback about the evaluation, you know how to reach me.

- Chris

Yeah, I feel pretty proud of myself. <3

Ican'tgetyououtofmymind.

I constantly find myself wondering how you feel about me. I wish you would tell me somehow. I'm so tired of wondering. Omar tells me that you like me as much as I like you, but it's hard to believe sometimes. I wish you'd tell me or at least give me a hint. I don't know whether I should stay here and wait for you or move on. I really like you, but are you worth the wait? I don't think anything's gonna happen between us. I think I like how we are right now. I love how we're becoming closer friends. (: 

And one day, the words "I really like you" will come out of my mouth at just the right moment, and you'll gaze into my eyes, smile, & say "I really like you, too." And then we'll hug for a long, long time and wish the moment could last forever. 

But then again, that's just one of my silly fantasies. Will it ever happen? In my dreams. 

Horoscope

There's no reason for you to avoid love today, even if you aren't sure that everything is exactly as you wish. The relationship-oriented Libra Moon emphasizes all your interactions, while the beautiful Venus-Pluto quintile draws you out of your head and deeper into the realm of the senses. Instead of being on guard, look for ways to soften your boundaries, especially when you are with someone special.

This kinda makes me feel like I should've spent more time with him today. Yeah, we hung out and all, but not alone, y'know? It was a lot of fun and all, but not exactly ... romantic? lol. Our "date" never really happened, but it's all good. I really liked this hang out. We should do this more often. (:

But yeah. I kinda wish I could have told you how much you mean to me, or at least thank you for hanging out with me all the time. I kinda hope that you secretly know. One day, the words will come out naturally, right?

Well, I'll be waiting for that day to come. 

Love.

Hmm ... Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for us to remain friends. But then, there will always be that "What if" factor thrown in. What if we did become a couple? What if we did fall in love with one another? What if we were meant to be? But then, I really don't want to ruin this friendship. Honestly, I've never had a guy walk me to my classes. Never had a guy hug me while wishing me good luck. Never had a guy willing to hang out with me all the time. You're a really awesome person & I hope you know that. I kind of wanna see what it'd be like, but this friendship is not worth risking. Sure, I've only really gotten to know you this year, but it feels like it's been forever. Aha, that's so cliche, but it's true. You laugh at all my funny stories and encourage me. You hang out with me. You sit next to me when possible. You make me laugh. You randomly show up behind me and join in the conversation. Aha, you're a really amazing person. I've never really met a guy like you. Someone who can seem so random and perverted, but really be so sweet and nice. And I think I've finally figured out why it's so hard for me to tell you all of this. It's because I'm scared of losing you. I don't want any awkward moments between us. And even though there's some silences in our conversations, I really enjoy them, to be honest. They're not awkward to me. You just make me feel so special. Like I'm actually important to you. Whenever I feel sad, you're there to cheer me up. When I need someone to walk me to class, you're right here. Aha, I really like you & I love your hugs, for sure. One day, I'll be strong enough to tell you all of this. And maybe, just maybe, that day will be the best day of my life as I know it. Or maybe, it'll be the worst. I'm scared of telling you because I'm scared of losing you. You're too important to me. I really need you in my life, believe it or not. 

I really, really like you. No lie. 

& maybe, one day, you'll feel the same. 

Pictures?

Yes, we're random. And I need to teach Cyrus how to smile. [x

Memoirs of the day we went to Jack-in-the-Box, came back, & hung out and ate in the band room. 

Yup. Such an awesome day. (:

Today was awesome. =D

Finals are over! Whoooooo! (: 

57/60 on band finals? Not bad, not bad at all. =D

Aha, English was pretty chill. Just hng out. Played hangman. Talked about how Kristy is totally not normal. LOL. Oh! & Kristy and I "ditched" English and went to get something from her friend. Ended up talking to Mr. Uhler. LOL. 

He loves us ... yeah right. xD

LOL, the play was hilarious. So many sexual innuendos. LOL. [x

Afterwards, Cyrus, Marcel, Ivy, & I were trying to get off campus ... and like; 3 doors were locked. And then we FINALLY found one that opened. LOL. 

Then Marcel went to the bus stop & Cyrus, Ivy, and I went to Jack-in-the-Box for the second day in a row. [x

We're faaaaaatties. :]

CYRUS AND IVY DON'T TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES. T-T

So I ended up telling them like; 10 random memories / dreams I had. 

Yeah, we had a good laugh. (: 

Jack-in-the-Box trips + hanging out in the band room = Awesomeness. <3

I was gonna take pictures with them, but Cyrus wouldn't smile & then the camera ran out of batteries. LOL.

But yeah. It was a lot of fun. (:

No more finals! Whooo! <3

Today was awesome. =D

Epik Phail.

I cheated on my math final today.

And I regret it so bad.

Fudge.

So much for having a strong conscience.

I'm such a hypocrite.

Gawd.

I wanna talk to HIM about it.

Tell him & then hug him and cry. 

I hate how guilty I feel. 

Why? Why did I have to effing cheat?

Why didn't I effing turn in the effing test and say it had the effing answers circled?! 

Gawd, I hate myself right now.

It was so tempting, & I fell for the temptation. 

Phail, dude. Epik Phail.

Today was a nice day. (=

I take back what I said.

I like the way things are. (:

I'm surprisingly kinda liking finals days, 'cause it means I get to hang out w/ Cyrus & Ivy after school. (:

Haha, that trip to Jack-in-the-Box was fun.

"THERE'S 14 SECONDS LEFT, WE CAN MAKE IT! =D"

"YOU'RE CRAZY!"

- Runs across street - 

- Makes it w/ 8 seconds left to spare -

"I told you we'd make it. (:"

Aha, I really like talking to you, even if it's about the most random things. [:

Drama play tomorrow w/ the special people! =D

Bringing camera so I can take pictures w/ all the awesome people. >D

But for now, time to bs outside listening critique & memorize scales!

Aha, y'know, the only downside of the day was the pain from that mile & a half and that math final. [x

See ya. (:

Hey,

Hey _____,

Maybe we should just stay friends. Yeah?

I really hate the awkwardness between us. 

I miss the days when you used to randomly talk to me about anything & not feel awkward.

I don't want it to be awkward between us. 

Let's just be friends, good friends. 

=D

I aced my bio final! <3

& he hugged me today. (:

Like like, I didn't ask for it.

He was just like; Good luck. (: - hugs -

And then after class, he ran over, somehow EXTREMELY fast. o___o

And I was like; I GOT A 95%! =D - hugs - 

Yeah. (:

lol, randomly, while people were still testing, Mr. Castanos was like; Angela, your review sheet was THE BOMB. I'm serious. If you ever need a job, you've got one here teaching science.

Ahahaha. (:

Maybe I'm actually okay at science! =]

Hmm, lawl, I'm a preposition. HAHA.

Let's go Angela the band room!

HAHAHA.

& Harrison's a noun. Not even a proper noun. Just a noun. (:

And Cyrus is a part of speech of his own. LOL. 

Okay, so even though the camera died,

It was still fun hanging out with Ivy & Cyrus after school. (:

LOL, Cyrus & his mp3 player / usb drive. xD

He told me to be careful, & I was like; scared to touch it. HAHA

& he was like; It's not gonna kill you! 

LOL, yeah. [x

& then he & Ivy walked me out to the drop off & we stood there talking about what we were like as little kids & all the little kid shows.

Aha, they're awesome people. (: 

Today was a good day. =D

[Even though I probably failed that WHAP final. xD] 

(:

I've come to the conclusion that guys have the tendency to think of really cute things & do really cute things. (:

& I miss my interactive pole. =(

Note to self; Talk to him more often. :]

& hey, maybe _____ will understand how much I like him & will ask me to be his girlfriend & we'll have a year & a half to spend together before he leaves for college.

I'm gonna miss him when he leaves.  

One day, I'm gonna give him a hug & say "I really like you." One day.

HotLauLau2123 (10:33:49 PM): dont worry abou tme haah just keep doing fine or better, and tell me once in awhile haha

HotLauLau2123 (10:33:57 PM): hearing bad news is overrrated

Sapph5ireZero (10:34:08 PM): aaaawww

Sapph5ireZero (10:34:14 PM): But I don't like seeing you said. =/

Sapph5ireZero (10:34:15 PM): sad*

Sapph5ireZero (10:34:21 PM): / not as good as you can be

HotLauLau2123 (10:34:37 PM): haha its ok dont worry , just tell me anything good that happens with you it makes my days better

HotLauLau2123 (10:34:43 PM): haha

Sapph5ireZero (10:34:49 PM): really?

HotLauLau2123 (10:34:57 PM): ohh dont worry haha

Sapph5ireZero (10:35:04 PM): Well, it makes my day worse when you don't have anything good to tell me about yours. =(

HotLauLau2123 (10:35:04 PM): course im always here to listen rmemeber?

Sapph5ireZero (10:35:07 PM): Ahaha

Sapph5ireZero (10:35:11 PM): My interactive pole. (:

HotLauLau2123 (10:35:15 PM): of course hahaa

HotLauLau2123 (10:35:30 PM): just a little rusty thats all 8)

HotLauLau2123 (10:36:01 PM): i should kick the hay :O

HotLauLau2123 (10:36:11 PM): really glad to hear your doing good

HotLauLau2123 (10:36:26 PM): good nights angela 8)

I miss this guy. He & his musical cell phone that made me smile in science last year. Good times. <3

Iwannabetheverybest.

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.

I really, truly do. 

I feel this incredible need to be the best at something, anything.

And for a little while, I thought I could possibly be the best at math.

Boy, was I wrong.

Brian's a freakin' genius & he makes me feel like such a retard.

& what happened in PE on Friday is still constantly bothering me. >.>;

& to make matters worse, I almost threw up in PE today.

& that "Wow, ... you're slow." comment kinda really hurt, though I don't really wanna admit it.

For some reason, I sense that nothing's gonna happen between us. 

I really like you & I think you might like me back,

But I just don't think anything's gonna happen, though I really hope something will.

I'm scared that we're gonna end up not having anything to talk about.

& crud. Just crud. 1.5 miles on Wednesday? 

My life is over. D:

& I suddenly feel like throwing up again.

Fudge.

Ifeelsoaccomplished.

So so so,

After 5+ hours, well, 5+ if you include distractions, I have finished typing up my biology notes.

And I must say,

I love them. <3 

I'm actually proud of them! 

& lol, Justin Daquina knows my name?

He randomly messaged me on youtube after I commented on his math fight video. xD

"haha is this angela? 

anywho if your not sorry. lol
would you like to be my 99th or 100th subscriber? depending how long it takes you to see this msg. =]"

But yeah. So proud of self!

Can't wait to see him tomorrow. 

Gonna give him a big hug. (:

Myheartwrappedinbubblewrap.

_____, I really like you.

& sometimes, I'm scared that I might fall in love with you and not have your love in return.

I'm scared that I'm gonna fall for you and you won't feel the same. 

It sounds so stupid and so not like me, but I constantly daydream about things that I wish would happen between you and me. 

And well, if Friday doesn't go well, then it's okay.

I'll still be your friend. 

I'm really scared of falling in love with you. 

I don't want my heart broken. 

Sometimes I wonder how you feel about me.

If you're asking me out because you really like me. 

_____, you're freakin' amazing & I really truly like you a lot more than I can admit. 

I'm too scared to give you my heart, but if Friday goes well, maybe just maybe, I'll hand it to you, wrapped in bubble wrap.

And if my feelings are returned and we fall in love, we can pop the bubble wrap together, and you can have my heart. <3

Sometimes...

Even though I'm having a really great time at Andrew Hill,

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had gone to Oak Grove.
I never would've met some of the greatest people in my life.
Steven, Ivy, Victoria, John, ...
I never would've gotten closer to Kylie or Caitlin or Kristine.
If I had gone to Oak Grove, I know I wouldn't have joined marching band.
But sometimes, it hurts to see people online, people I used to talk to all the time back in middle school, and not have anything to say to them.
I know it's partly my fault that I drifted away from them, but still.
Sometimes I really miss them; okay, a lot of the time.
But I know if I IM them, I'll have nothing to say.
Sometimes I wish I went to Oak Grove,
But after experiencing all I have at Andrew Hill,
I think I'll stay.
Two years from now, I'm gonna be a senior, freaking out about college and about all my IB classes,
And three years from now, I'm gonna be a college freshman at a good college, looking back at my high school life and thinking; "I'm glad I went for the IB diploma. I'm glad I stayed at Andrew Hill."
But still, sometimes, I regret not going to Oak Grove.
Sometimes, just sometimes.

January Calendar!

I look so busy! (:

010109: New Year's Day

010309: Alyssa's Birthday + Party

010509: Back to School

010609: His Birthday

010709: Jaime Tran's Birthday

010909: Sam Ho's Birthday

011009: Chinese School Final + Caitlin's Birthday Party

011209: Eric Dang's Birthday

011409: History & Biology Finals

011509: Spanish & Math Finals

011609: Band Final, English Project Due, End of First Semester, Date w/ Him
011809: Diana Tran's Birthday 

011909: Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday [No School]

012009: Obama Takes Office, First Day of 2nd Semester, English Oral Book Analysis

012209: Nancy Tran's Birthday

012309: Masquerade Ball? [Maybe]

012409: District Jazz Festival

012709: Tri-M Initiation 

013109: Science Bowl @ Livermore

(:

Today was pretty awesome. <3

Okay, that thing in PE wasn't all that great, but it's alright.

I knew a lot of the countries on the WHAP "pre-test". 

Aha, my heart skipped a beat when he ran into my science class. 

IMAGINE WHAT CASTANOS'S EXPRESSION WOULD'VE BEEN LIKE IF HE WERE THERE. LOL.

That video about lions was really interesting but still kinda scary. 

I finished all my Spanish stuff in class & talked to freshmen. 

Ms. Mani wasn't here! But she assigned us a lot of position, velocity, & acceleration FRQ's. 

Eh, it's all good. They're pretty easy, once you get the hang of it. (:

Band was awesome, as usual. & Audrey came to tell us about college! 

"How'd you know what you wanted to major in?"

"Well, I've always loved science, and ever since middle school, I knew it was what I was good at. I joined science bowl and HOSA because I knew I really liked science & I knew that I was good at it. Just find out what you're good at and what you like to do."

Yeah, gotta remember that.

English was pretty chill. Ivy & I described ourselves on paper. lol. & she doodled in my notebook. After school, I headed to tutor, put my book back in my locker, & then the whole thing with him.<3

Yeah, today was pretty great.

Now, I think I'll sleep early & do Chinese studying tomorrow? (:

Ireallylikeyou,_____.&maybe,justmaybe,youlikeme,too. 

DirtyLittleSecret.

Blogger ...

You will never believed what happened after school today ...

HE ASKED ME OUT!

HE ASKED ME TO GO OUT WITH HIM ON FRIDAY! (:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! <3

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Today could potentially be one of the best days of my life.

And next Friday could potentially be the best day.

Imagine me w/ a boyfriend. 

OMG! <3

If I smile any wider, my mouth's gonna fly off my face. [x

And once we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I'll put his name on here.

But for now, I'll keep him my dirty little secret. (:

Aletterforyou.

Dear _____, 

You don't know how much I like you. I can't get you out of my head, and sometimes, it just drives me completely insane. Every time I see you with her, you look so happy. You're laughing and talking and havin a great time ... It makes me feel so jealous. You know I like you, but you don't know the extent of it. I wish one day, I could just give you a nice, long hug and tell you exactly how I feel & exactly how much you mean to me. You're one of the greatest people in my life. And to think, I always thought of you as that weird guy that always talked about balls. Sometimes, I wish I could get the nerve to ask you how you feel about me. You probably don't feel the same way, but I'd rather have the truth than nothing at all. Even if you don't like me, I still want you in my life. I still NEED you in my life. I need your hugs. I need your comfort. I need your humor. I need you more than you'll ever know. You make me really happy & I'm really not joking. Thanks for all that you've done. I'm really glad that you're my friend. & hopefully, one day we can be more than that. I really like you, _____. I really do. & all the time, I wish you'd like me, too. 

Sigh.

I can't keep him off my mind.

I constantly just blank out and think of how maybe, one day, he'd ask me out or tell me he likes me or something like that.

Sigh, I know it's not gonna happen.

He likes her. 

But Kylie keeps telling me otherwise.

I tried to get the words out today, but they wouldn't come out.

He knows how I feel, but I wish I could tell him out loud.

Maybe tomorrow? 

I keep saying that. 

It's not gonna happen.

I think what's best for now is that we just stay friends, no matter how much I really like him.

Maybe, just maybe, one day, he'll feel the same way.

Ireallylikeyou.

Well, I told him. Sorta. Well, he knows. And guess how he reacted? He didn't. No "I like you, too." No "Sorry, but I don't like you." No smile, no look of surprise, nothing. 

I wish he'd just break my heart. It's so much easier than having to sit here and be confused. I'm gonna be wondering for so long now. 

"Sorry about the awkwardness after my 'confession' today. It's totally cool if you don't like me. I just wanna stay friends. I don't think I would be able to stand it if I saw you everyday and didn't get to talk to you. 

Friends? (:"

I'm gonna leave him that note. lol.

And to think I actually thought I had a chance.

lol, Epik Phail.

POKEMON!

POKEMON THEME SONG FOR TRI-M? 

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK YES! (:

FIRST TEAM FOR SCIENCE BOWL! (=

Chris said I was solid at math, solid at buzzers, & communicative. :D

One of the only downsides of the day? 

I didn't tell him. 

Or, well, I guess he knows & since he's not doing anything, I guess he doesn't care.

Well, I'll tell him tomorrow.

I seriously mean it this time! 

Hm ...

I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST

LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS

DUN DUN DUN

TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST

TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE!

Aha, Pokemon. <3

Wish me luck!

I love talking about my love problems w/ Emily, Victoria, & Steven. (:

Lawl, I'm gonna confess to him tomorrow.

& Victoria's gonna stand outside the band room so I can run to her crying afterwards.

But really, Blogger, I'm starting to obsess over him & it's not right.

I shouldn't be obsessing over anyone or anything. 

I gotta get over him or at least tell him, & I'm choosing the latter.

Wish me luck, Blogger? :]

Obsession...

Happy Birthday, _____!

& I already regret yelling HAPPY BIRTHDAY right before he left the band room afterschool. 

If Kylie gets the band to sing Happy Birthday to him, I'm gonna drown in guilt. 

I think I'm starting to get way too obsessed w/ him. I ditched Harrison to walk with him after band & I ALWAYS walk with Harrison to English. D:

& I always ask him for hugs and talk to him whenever I can.

I think this is getting way out of hand.

I seriously gotta stop. lol.

I will tell you tomorrow, _____.

I will. 

Sorry in advance if it ruins your day. 

Ahaha, Awesome People. (:

Today was fun, hanging out w/ Victoria, Louie, Tina, Ivy, & Dorothy. (=

Filming was alright. We got a lot done! Whoo! 

Afterwards, copied homework while listening to music & talking. 

Haha, fun fun fun. :]

I had a nice conversation on AIM w/ John today. (:

Aha, we better keep in contact & have another one of those days where we lie under the stars & play golf w/ Steven! :D

Fun fun fun. 

Steven x 305 (9:59:45 PM): i thank angela
Steven x 305 (9:59:52 PM): becasue she gives joy to me =D

Ka13am (8:55:37 PM): i thank angela, because she is the best of the best
Ka13am (8:55:44 PM): now erase steven! =)
Ka13am (8:56:50 PM): fine, put both, but my name in bold, italicized, and underlined
Ka13am (8:57:00 PM): show him whose superior!
Ka13am (8:58:06 PM): REMEMBER!  " JOHN IS AWESOMERRRRR"

TOFUU x3 (9:59:28 PM): hi angela.

TOFUU x3 (9:59:33 PM): YOURE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE.

Sapph5ireZero (9:59:35 PM): LOL

Sapph5ireZero (9:59:45 PM): You don't mean that though. D:

TOFUU x3 (9:59:55 PM): fine. that's my computer

TOFUU x3 (9:59:55 PM): LOL

Sapph5ireZero (10:00:00 PM): LOL

TOFUU x3 (10:00:14 PM): YOU'RE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE BESIDES MY COMPUTER, MY SANDWICH, AND MY TV!

LAWL, they're ALL freakin' awesome.  (:

Dream Job.

Ironic Boredom (2:35:19 AM): I think

Ironic Boredom (2:35:26 AM): 87% of Americans.

Ironic Boredom (2:35:41 AM): Don't have their "dream jobs".

Ironic Boredom (2:35:50 AM): They settled with whatever they got.

I really don't wanna end up with a job I hate,

But I don't even know what job I want.

I hope I find out. Soon.

I feel obliged to know.

Lasers & Corridors. LOL.

Angela loves lasers & Nini loves corridors.

LAWL, late night convos w/ Nini = Freakin' Awesome. [x

Secrets & Thoughts.

Happy Birthday, Alyssa! (=

Yes, my sister is now 7 years old. [x

So, after getting tagged by Steven & Nini & Kevin, I've come up w/ some secrets about myself that I never really thought about before:
1. You never knew about the horrid things I said about you behind your back. I regret saying them. You're one of the nicest people I know.
2. I miss you. I'll never forget the spaghetti dinner & singing "Shadows & Regrets" with you. 

Chances of you finding out who the people are? Probably really close to zero. (=

Man. I feel like I wasted this winter break. 
I can't believe it passed by so fast. 
And what did I accomplish?
Little to nothing. 
Oh well. Still gotta finish bio & maybe actually study? Haha. Don't wanna fail now.
P.S. TypeRacer is addicting, I phail epikally @ science bowl, & I managed to finish most of his birthday card today.
Bye now!

Miley and Anaranjado. LOL.

Blogger, I don't know why, but I always ask the question "Is it natural to feel this way?"

Or something along those lines; "Is it natural?"

I guess, I fear that I'm not normal. 

Because as much as I hate to admit it,

I really honestly do want to fit in.

I hate being the odd person out.

Yeah, I guess that's my secret.

And I shall post it as a secret in my buddy info on 1/3. 

Haha, that also happens to be my sister's birthday! 

Oh yeah!

Nini & I came up w/ code names for people.

LOL, Miley & Anaranjado. HAHA.

Mm, kinda tired of signing each weblog w/ some sort of Epik thing,

So I'll end it with a simple closing line. 

Bye! :D

Epik ... Tie! =D

LALALA.

Finished Math Homework! - proud of self - =D

I'm gonna copy WHAP homework off of Ivy & I'll give her my vocab. (= 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand, IVY'S BACK! EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED! :D

I swear, one of these days, I'm gonna tell him.

Just so I can stop obsessing over him. 

And I realized how amazing the lyrics to "1, 2, 3, 4" really are.

They're surprisingly relevant to my life. =X

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make me feel better when I'm feelin' sad,
Tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not.

Aha, I wish he'd do all this for me. <3

I'm so glad I found you,

I love being around you.

Haha, totally true. (=

There's only 1 thing, 2 do, 3 words, 4 you:
I love you. 

Self-explanatory, is it not? 

I really like you, _____ _____. <3

And maybe, just maybe, you like me as well.

Aha, neither Epik Phail nor Epik Win.

Epik ... Tie!