Self Esteem.

Science bowl competition is in two days, and frankly, I'm not studying at all. I'm not worried. If anything, I'm really apathetic. It's as if I'm not gonna study at all. It's as if I don't care. It's as if I'm just gonna go there and answer whatever I know. Yeah, I won't be much help to my teammates, but really. I wouldn't be much help anyway. I don't know why, but getting demoted just really, I don't know, it just really hurts me. I was so proud of being a sophomore on first team, even if I was just alternate. Whatever. I'm not good enough. Just gotta deal with it, right? 

I really need some one-on-one time with him. Just to chill and hang out and talk. Just as friends, of course. I don't think we'll be anything more than friends. But you never know, right? Ha, I probably shouldn't keep my hopes up. They'll be shot down again. I'm glad I still have him as a friend, though. 

Lately, my self esteem level has dropped quite a lot. And since it was never really that high to begin with, this cannot be a good sign.